There’s no need to feel scared, but I completely understand, it can feel kinda scary at first, asking about this kind of thing.
How people react to your coming out depends almost entirely on the people themselves, their relation to you can sometimes be a factor, positive or negative, as well.
Like, most people I’ve come out to, especially my friends, have been absolutely accepting. For example, my younger sister has been absolutely awesome about it. My one grandma, however, has been really shitty about it, her concern stemming from willful ignorance and religious bigotry. Education on trans issues may help people who are a little wary, and shows that you’re serious and know what you’re talking about, but your mileage may vary.
Coming out to your parents is definitely a daunting task. My parents took the news okayish at first, my dad, being the laissez-faire parent he’s always been, responded, “You’re an adult, you can do whatever the fuck you want”. My relationship with my mom ended up getting worse and worse after I came out to her, because of her twisted perception of how trans people should actually go through therapy and stuff. She was “supportive”, until I started actually taking steps towards transitioning, when she tried fighting tooth and nail against anything progressive in my life, denying, dismissing, and refusing to acknowledge that I, as a 23 year old adult, have agency over myself. I’ve had to cut myself off from her, because she’s been extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative. But my mom has always been overly dramatic and emotionally manipulative and stuff.
So yeah, it’s best to take a good, thorough analysis of your parents’ dispositions before taking the step of coming out to them. If you feel like their reaction would be adverse, I would say it’s best to stay closeted, at least for now.
And in coming out to RL family and friends, expect slip-ups on your name and pronouns, especially early on, and just give them gentle nudges into correctly-gendering you. But make sure that you let them know that they need to put forth some conscious effort, and that correcting over and over gets very tiring and bothersome after a while.
If people start being terrible towards you after you come out to them, call them out on it, and if they continue, it’s sometimes best to cut ties with them. Toxic, shitty relationships are no good.
Now, on the topic of transitioning itself, I was actually SUPER nervous when I went out in girlmode for the first time, and even more nervous about speaking, because I have an unmistakably masculine voice. But I’m able to easily get by with just fudging my voice up an octave, speaking from a little higher in the throat than I’m used to doing. The only comment about my voice that I’ve gotten is that my voice sounded like it would come from somebody taller. Vocal mannerisms seem to be more important than the actual sound of your voice.
It really all comes down to basically how you present yourself, and it gets easier over time, with practice.
And when you’re on hormones, (as a trans woman/transfeminine individual) a few things to consider, at least in my personal experience:
- Ask your doctor if they can prescribe you 25mg spironolactone. I take 100mg doses, it’s more pills, but the 25s are WAAAAAAY cheaper, even though it’s 4 times the number of pills.
- Get a cheap little morning/noon/evening/bed pill case, if you’re worried you might forget if you’ve taken your pills or not. Also, keep an emergency 1-2 day supply in a little case in your purse/pocket/whatever.
- EAT AND STAY HYDRATED.
- Dissolve your estradiol under your tongue, apparently it absorbs better that way. It tastes lightly chalky/sweet/minty. Do not do this with spiro, because spiro tastes like Windex with a little Listerine mixed in. Swallow your spiro fast.
- Spiro is a diuretic, meaning it will probably make you need to pee way more. Also, you might want to eat at least a little something a little bit before you take it. I know that if I don’t, I sometimes get a teensy bit nauseous.
- Your nipples will get sore, starting in the first few weeks. If you’re used to running up/down stairs, either train yourself not to, or keep your chest steady as you do it.
- Straight guys, especially 45+ years old, can be really fucking creepy and disgusting, and DO NOT pick up on cues that you’re visibly uncomfortable with them. Try to keep a little bubble of personal space and assert your boundaries. Maybe keep a can of pepper spray visible, or at least on hand. This isn’t really relevant to the hormone thing, but more femininity in general.
Now, I’m not going to assure you that all this advice is guaranteed to work for you, though I hope it does indeed help. Keep in mind that everybody’s circumstances and experiences are different.
